Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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