I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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