I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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