if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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