if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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