i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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