What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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