Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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