She is in my trunk
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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