my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize