Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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