He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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