Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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