I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just found puke in my bra..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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