chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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