I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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