Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Life is so much better after having sex.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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