I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize