I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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