We won't sleep together?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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