wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
nutella sex= disaster
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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