You just made me feel so damn special
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize