shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize