it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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