haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize