how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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