We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
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just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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