I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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