so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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