I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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