my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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