have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize