Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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