I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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