the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
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Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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