I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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