I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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