Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
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in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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