I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
