why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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