It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
