quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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