my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize