Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize