he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize