i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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