this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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