i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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