a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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