By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize