I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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