He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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