Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
barbara walters just said penis...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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